We're Only Human
by homel001
Summary: Another Jeff Tracy One shot sees the Boys dealing with guilt when a rescue operation ends in tragedy. Jeff tries to get through to them even if it means visiting a dark chapter in his past.


**Thunderbirds**

 **Jeff Tracy**

 **We're Only Human**

 **Disclaimer: Another one-shot on Jeff Tracy. All rights reserved.**

You know, sometimes the world seems to demand too much of us. Well at least that's what the boys think anyway. Sure we have the finest machines known to man, capable of saving lives whatever the conditions, but that doesn't make us invincible. It certainly doesn't make us gods. Occasionally something will go wrong, whether a flood got out of control, or an explosion destroyed a hotel off it's foundations, there will always be times when we will fail. It's already happened before. I use to tell the boys that we weren't gods and they were only doing their best. This time, I don't think they believed me so much. You see, I had to send them out to one of the toughest rescues that we had ever faced. A Nuclear reactor was on the verge of a meltdown when an asteroid struck one of the reactors. Scott, Virgil and Alan raced to the scene, only they were too late. They tried to evacuate the area as quickly as they could, but the plant exploded. Nearly half the people there were vaporised.

I heard the story on the newscast. Sure we were devastated by it, Tin-Tin was crying, Brains went as white as a sheet, I felt nothing but remorse and guilt. That was nothing compared to how the boys were feeling. Sometimes I feel that I ask too much of them. Sure they never like to admit it, but They can't hide their guilt when they've been beaten.

As soon as Thunderbird 2 touched down, Scott appeared in the lounge. I couldn't get him to look into my eyes. He couldn't converse with me. I guess he struggled to find the right words. I needed him to wait with me, but he just insisted on going to his room. I sat him down as Tin-Tin went to fetch the coffee. Virgil and Alan met Gordon back in the Hangar. You could tell that they tried to make sense of what happened, but there wasn't a whisper amongst them. As they all sat together with their heads in their hands, I tried to work out what to say to them. How could I assure my boys after this that they weren't to blame. I've never been good in these situations. Their mother always knew what to say. This wasn't you're average school bully conversation.

"I know...how you're feeling." I began. "At least I think I do. Boys this wasn't your fault."

"Yes it was." Virgil muttered. "We could have been there."

"And you were there." I continued. "You were all there. You showed up, you...you managed to save as many people as you could."

I must have hit a tender nerve with Scott. I never seen him so angry before. The look of rage in his eyes. This is how he deals with pain.

"Yeah well we didn't!" He snapped. "We failed! Everyone is dead, dad! They are dead! What the hell do we tell their families!? Huh? How can we tell them that International Rescue failed to save their loved ones!? This was our fault because we couldn't get there. We...we couldn't save them and I can't...I don't know how to live with the guilt!"

I could have snapped him out of it. I could have walked up to his face in order to get him to calm down, but I didn't. He had the right to be angry. It was the only way he could deal with the pain. There was no doubt about it, Scott was speaking for all of them. As an awkward silence set over villa, I studied the expressions in my boys faces. Virgil tried to keep it together, but you could see he was struggling. Alan just looked washed out, as if something had snapped inside him. Gordon looked irritated. He could never handle bad news without feeling somewhat responsible for it. Gordon always felt that he had to be involved one way or another. He was reeling in the tense negativity that was floating about the room. Alan remained silent. His eyes remained fixed on the floor. Virgil wanted to cry. So why didn't he? In that moment, My words faded into nothing. Why did Lucille ever believe in motivational speeches? The only way I could get through to them was with a story from my past. A chapter in my life that I thought I would never have to revisit. I took a deep breath, sat down behind my desk and began.

"When I was a Colonel in the Air Force, I was assigned to command a top secret operation in South Pacific. Operation Black Bolt, a name I hoped I'd never have to reveal again. It's job was to send three experimental atomic powered warships out to re-enact a war games scenario. We was out there for a week. The first two days went according to plan. Dummy targets were destroyed, Simulated enemy bombers made their runs and were destroyed. It was going great. Then one morning, we were given our third battle routine. A TX34 bomber was ordered to make a dummy attack on one of the ships. My god I wish it hadn't. See it made it's attack run on it's planned flight path when it's systems decided to fail. Everything went dead, the electronics, the manual release controls. Everything. The pilot couldn't even eject to safety. All I could do was watch from the bridge. Time seemed to stand still you know. That TX jet collided with the second atomic warship. It spear headed the ships atomic reactor core by piercing it's way through the ships hull. The ship went down in a matter of minutes. I scrambled to send out a search party. All I got back was that there were no survivors."

Gordon's ears pricked up. "How comes we were never told this?"

"Because I felt that it wasn't an important lesson to our organisation." I replied.

"Okay then why are you telling us this now?" Virgil asked. "How does this help us?"

"I felt the same way that day." I continued. "Everything you're feeling now, I felt it back then. The only difference was that I had to claim responsibility for the loss of those lives. There were Fifty people on board that ship when it went down. As soon as my report was sent back to the base where I was stationed, I was interrogated, ridiculed, judged, hell even suspended without pay. They thought I was to blame when it was an accident waiting to happen. Eventually the investigation came to the conclusion that the jet was in no condition to fly but it was too late by then. I had hit depression. I lost my appetite which then affected my health. I couldn't even sleep at night. Before I met your mother, I went to see a therapist and I was offered three weeks of intense treatment. They thought I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but all it took was a one to one session. In the end I came to learn that it wasn't my fault. That pilot could have died in battle, that ship could have exploded in dry dock. I had to find closure and chalk it up to a life changing experience. Something that would eventually make me stronger. The same applies to what happened here today."

Scott huffed. "Yeah whatever dad."

"Look! At the end of the day, you put on those suits and fly out there because you put your lives on the line to save others, but risk is apart of the game. Not everything is going to work out in your favour. You are human beings capable of making human decisions. You are not computers! I know you are all hurting but you need to look at this as a learning curve. Disasters like this will happen, but you can decided whether you want to prevent it from happening again. People will die and people will hurt, but their families will find closure and so will you."

Scott seemed to be in denial. The news seemed to have fried his brain. Virgil really took the news as if it was going to kill him.

"Boys, I will always be proud of you. You make me so proud each and every day, but you need to look at yourselves and think. Did you cause this? Did you attack the station? No! You tried to rescue those people before you cared. As long as the people see that then they will always respect you. Now I think we need a few weeks to recover from this incident. I'll keep John informed but I think we need the downtime."

"But supposing we're needed again, dad?" Virgil asked.

"You leave that to me. After this, the world will be in mourning and so will we. Boys you're only human at the end of the day. The pain that we share validates that. Don't ever blame yourselves because it will ruin you."

Scott nodded and slowly rose from his seat. I knew that the message had gotten through to him. He seemed much calmer. Tin-Tin eventually arrived with the drinks just as Scott marched for his room. Gordon stepped out onto the balcony. He was finally processing information again. Virgil rubbed his forehead as he headed for the door.

"Thanks dad." He muttered. "Look if you don't mind, I have work to do in the hangar."

"Go right ahead son." I smiled.

My focus shifted to young Alan. My heart sank for him. It appeared that this incident really hit him the most. He still couldn't look at me. He still couldn't handle it. There was only one thing I could do for him in that moment. I put the commander role to one side so I could be a father to my boy. I sat next to him and rubbed his back.

"Alan." I said gently. "It's going to be okay, Son.

Alan cried as he rammed his head into my shoulder. He cried hard to the point that his heart was going to do a runner. I sighed and looked up towards the ceiling. I always envisioned that my beloved wife was still watching over us.

"The boys would have needed you today." I muttered. "We all would have needed you."

Alan finally started to speak to me.

"I'm sorry dad." he sobbed. "I tried to keep it together like the other but..."

"No buts. You're all going move on from this. I promise you." I said with a smile as I ruffled his hair. "We're only human."


End file.
